The Angst

Im so tired!
i spend all day working in Primark, and then all night working for sick.
I know i love both my jobs, but my body got to breaking point last ngiht so i got sent home D:
however, 21 hours of sleep did wonders. Even so... somehow im still tired ¬¬

I am so f**king furious right now, you wouldn't believe it. As some of you will know, me and Vicki are in the middle of working things out. Things are moving along swimmingly, there. However, I have found out tonight something that has complicated matters.

I came across a suspicious status on the profile of one of my so called friends. Apparently, he planned on helping me and Vicki get back together. A noble act, you might think, but the execution leaves much to be desired. He was slagging me off to Vicki, telling her I'd never make her happy, won't be able to support her or give her a family. During the time when Vicki wasn't talking to me, I noticed she was talking to him, and I said to a friend that I thought he was hitting on her. Some would think I was being paranoid, but he has a history of it. As it turns out, I was right. His exact words to her were "would you ever f**k me or date me? if so, I'll come get you right now"

He could've ruined any chance I have of getting Vicki back, and I can't forgive him a second time for this, he did it when I was interested in another girl this time last year. He's deleted his Facebook because he's too much of a coward to face the consequnces of his actions.

F**king w**ker, I hope someone castrates him with an elastic band and two bricks. F**k that, I'll do it.

I'm really sick of certain things/people popping up to ruin my mood all the f*cking time.

My XB360 is the one and only thing I have complete control over. Well, not any more. I don't want my sister playing because of the way she treats me, and now I'm having to let her play it just to get some f**king peace... and I don't mean from her. Mum's giving me more hassle because I tried to stand my ground and not let Sophie play it. I stupidly gave in to the conditions mum set on Sophie. Firstly, I wasn't even going to let her watch. Why should I treat someone that is so nasty and spiteful towards me? Because Sophie was good and sat their quietly, mum TOLD me to let her have ONE go and wouldn't shut up until I gave in. After the 4-5 time of seeing the Game Over screen, which to me is 4-5 goes (she was playing Tekken 6 in Arcade Mode), I tried getting mum to intervene and all I got was a f**king bollocking.

IT'S MY BLOODY CONSOLE AND I SET THE CONDITIONS

F*ck sake, why am I always the one to get into trouble? I've had to endure a 10 yr old calling me a b*tch, a mother f*cker and throwing all sorts of crap at me... and I'm still being bollocked because it's all my fault, apparently.

I was trying to watch something, it had two minutes left, if that. Sophie came in and demanded the TV and wouldn't let me finish watching it. Because there was only two minutes left, I wouldn't let her turn it over. What's the point of finishing it off later when there's so little left?

I really have had enough of people trying to interfere with my relationship. F*ck sake, why can't they just let us be happy?

While I'm here, I am never looking after my sister's cat when she's away again. This place stinks of cat sh*t because her cat keeps going behind things. She's taken to going behind the computer desk. I tell you, my sister has her work cut out for her when she gets home.

Chojin wrote:I really have had enough of people trying to interfere with my relationship. F*ck sake, why can't they just let us be happy?

While I'm here, I am never looking after my sister's cat when she's away again. This place stinks of cat sh*t because her cat keeps going behind things. She's taken to going behind the computer desk. I tell you, my sister has her work cut out for her when she gets home.

What's their problem with your relationship exactly?

And why isn't the cat house-trained?

Kukikoi wrote:

Chojin wrote:I really have had enough of people trying to interfere with my relationship. F*ck sake, why can't they just let us be happy?

While I'm here, I am never looking after my sister's cat when she's away again. This place stinks of cat sh*t because her cat keeps going behind things. She's taken to going behind the computer desk. I tell you, my sister has her work cut out for her when she gets home.

What's their problem with your relationship exactly?

And why isn't the cat house-trained?

One of her jealous exes thinking he can have her back, even threatening to break my jaw if I try to make him leave us alone. If he keeps it up, I'm going to take him for harrassment.

I don't know why the cat isn't housetrained, because she is a house cat.

Rather a calm rant...

Last Monday, I had arranged to meet up with my girlfriend, we were both getting excited about it. Unfortunately, the Friday before, she had a fall and hurt her ankle. Stupidly, she went to work on it on the Sunday and couldn't walk on it, so she cancelled on me. Monday morning, I asked how she was, how her ankle was, etc. and she went quiet on me. That was the last thing I heard from her. She didn't even say anything when I broke up with her Thursday night.

As it turns out, she was messing me around all along; which doesn't say much for me because the last five girls I've been out with, or after, have been complete head fucks. I don't know if I can trust women, now, and I certainly can't trust my own judgement.

I was a complete wreck both Thursday night and Friday morning, but had to pull it together. I've been holding it together all weekend because mum and Sophie were home, when all I wanted to do was break down in tears. They didn't go away again yesterday, and everything just got on top of me. I lost my appetite, as well as control, and hardly ate anything.

This morning, I had slipped, anyway, so I was feeling down. After I got to Cambridge, and into the Job Centre, it p*ssed it down. It didn't stop until I was back at the bus station, so I was f*cking soaked, and cold because I didn't put on as many layers because it was a nice day. I saw the bus I'd need to go see my gf twice in the space of a minute and that made me angry because I wanted to go give her a piece of my mind. I got on the wrong bus back because the number on it was wrong, so it would take twice as long to get me home. It started down towards somewhere that would've cut out half it's route, then stopped and just sat there for 10 minutes. I had mum phone me not once, not twice but four times and had a go at me because she left her key at home and was locked out. I had the whole bus looking at me because I was try to make myself heard over her. I had a splitting headache, I was freezing, I was hungry, I was gasping for cuppa and a fag, and I was surrounded by a bunch of college students that weren't exactly quiet. I left the Job Centre at about 4 and didn't get home until after 6.

If that wasn't bad enough, they (mum and Sophie) were meant to go back to Cambride today for 8, but first of all Sophie did a runner while she was out playing with some friends (friends I've moaned about before because they should've been put on ASBOs the moment they were born) then she started complaining that she was ill. Obviously faking, but refusing to move. They're not going back until tomorrow, either >_<

Oh, and we have my sister's cat again. Not only have I had to put up with it sh*tting everywhere, but that cat also get's my cat hyper and she ends up knocking things over. My cat jumped up on top of my sister's TV and knocked the DVD player down. While I was putting it back and plugging it back in, my cat jumps on top of the wardrobe and knocks more stuff down. I go to get her down and the DVD players falls down again.

I tell you, I've so had enough of today. I've not been able to do much of anything and this whole 6 weeks alone thing is not going according to plan. I'm so far behind schedule that I may as well give up, because there's no hope of me getting done the things I had planned.


EDIT: Turns out my sister wasn't faking, so I take that back

I'm sick and tired of this week. I feel myself slipping back into depression as the day goes on. My family from Manchester are down, and in the process of moving down here. Unfortunately, they're here all the time. I can't get a moments peace from them. I was meant to have time to myself tonight, for the first time in a week, but that's gone out the window because they're staying here tonight, again. This house is too overcrowded and I just can't deal with it. I want to do my own thing, I want my own space. I don't want to slip back into depression. I want MY life back >_<

Today has consisted of talks about the Illuminati... and my 11 yr old sister has latched onto the idea. She's looking for Heavy Metal music on vinyl just to play it backwards... and now I'm being told to get off the computer so we can sort out what's happening today. Everyone's p*ssed off. Can't wait until everyone goes so I can chill out with time to myself

Today has just been one thing after another. From the moment my sister gets up, she has the TV; so I was bored all morning. Mum mentions about housework, as per usual. I asked her what she wanted me to do but she would not give me a straight answer. In the end she said "Oh, just sort out the rubbish in the yard and do some tidying up." so I did just that. Afterwards, I sit down and try to chill out a bit; a bit hard to do when my sister had a friend round. I didn't have long to wait before she was out. I thought "great, I might finally be able to watch some TV and chill out". Oh how wrong I was. More housework, with an added argument. If mum had told me what jobs she wanted me to do in the first place, I could've got started on it right away instead wasting time. Because I didn't get started until the kids had gone, I wasn't finished until they were back, which made things difficult. My sister was on the computer watchin videos on Youtube... try not to laugh videos. Because of an incident the other day involving those videos, her friend kept opening the kitchen door and standing near the back door. I was trying to get my work finished so I could chill out. I finally got finished, but I still couldn't chill out with some TV because the kids were watching it. And they were watching it until they went to bed (her friend stayed... well, attempted to). Something my sister was doing was creeping her friend out, and she decided to go home. Not so much of a problem in itself as she lives up the road. Unfortunately, this upset my sister, and she was kicking off. Ever since mum got back with her, she's been sat on the sofa watching Dynamo: Magician Impossible. Ok, so it's not the worst thing she can watch, but it's gone 11 pm and she should be in bed. She's now been in bed about 10 minutes and I still can't watch what I want to watch because mum's watching TV.

I feel like I'm going mad out of boredom >_<

What a perfect end to a fantastic week. [/sarcasm]

I've been alone all week, enjoying the time to myself. I've been doing housework, though not as much as I would've had to do if they didn't go on holiday. They come home just as I finish a rack of washing up. Within 5 minutes, mum's already going on about the jobs that haven't been done. I'm being moaned at because I'm "being stressy" with my sister. Since when is saying, calmly, "Sophie can you go inside for a bit while I talk to mum, please?" stressy?

A little while later, I'm being forced to watch a video about where they have been. I don't need to watch a bloody video, I saw enough pictures. Mum goes out to do some shopping, and while mum's gone, I do get a little stressy at Sophie because she's constantly doing things like leaving the volume on the computer turned up while she's out playing, leaving the back door and windows open. It's bad enough having to listen to her crap on the computer when she's using it, I shouldn't have to listen to it when she's not; and yes, I did turn the volume off. I don't want the doors and windows open because it's cold, I want them closed so the kittens don't escape.

Mum gets home with shopping, and that's when things really go to hell. I done myself a Rustler's Chicken Sub, and it split completely along the bottom so the bread was split in two, and this always annoys me. I made it clear that it annoys me, and mum says "Calm down, it's still edible." WTF!? Does she think I'm stupid or something? Of course it's still f**king edible. I don't appreciate being told to calm down when I'm not even angry. Yeah, I was annoyed, but all I said was "Oh what, I hate it when that happens" Yeah, I said it with a tone that suggested I was annoyed, but that's the extent of it. It may have annoyed me, but I was still going to eat it and I would've said no more. Mum made a comment saying "You can tell we're home, you're really stressed." so I retorted with "You can tell you're home, I have to be happy with everything." then went and sat down to eat. I put my earphones in and started to watch something on my laptop. I couldn't really concentrate on it because mum and Sophie was having an argument, during which I was blamed for the arguments going on and my sister stropping off... Yeah, I'm definitely wanted and appreciated around here.

With two days to go before my bday, I can't see this one being any different from the any other one; filled with arguments and housework >_<

I feel like i have to get this off my chest somewhere and here's a better place than any. All my life i have been used by people who i thought were my friends who i thought actually cared about me. They weren't friends the were just manipulative .....things! They only wanted to know me when they needed something or someone to talk to. In May i ended up on anti-depressants because of these so-called friends and ended up almost failing my second year of uni. After that i said no more i cut all ties with those so-called friends i even quit the Uni society i had made two years previously.

And now sat here in my room at the beginning of my 3rd year im scared that im going to make the same mistakes again and let myself fall victim to these parasites once again.

I just had to write something somewhere to get it all off my chest ... so i really dont mind if this post is deleted or whatever

It won't be deleted, hun. You're free to say whatever you want or need to here.

But I am sorry to hear all that. I know that sounds like a bunch of empty words here on the net, but I mean it. And I also understand. Some people make me sick. They really do.

But there are good people out there too. And, I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let the bad apples keep you from the good ones.

*hugs loads*

WTF!? Mum's trying to convince me to start reading self help books, and she's using books written by someone that relies very heavily on religion to get her point across. I'M NOT RELIGIOUS, STOP TRYING TO FORCE IT ON ME!!!!!!!

F**k sake, this place is going to drive insane. I've had arguments for the last half hour, it is now almost 1am. Yeah, that's right; 1 o'clock in the f**king morning. And this argument was caused by my sister, who is 11 years old, playing stupid games when she's meant to be in bed. I got the bollocking because all I said was "Sophie, we're not stupid, we know you're there." calmly and she reacted by kicking off. I kept telling mum she was down, but she couldn't be arsed to move because she was half asleep. Sophie started complaining that it's not fair because I get to stay up. When I tell her it's because I'm an adult, she comes back with "You're not an adult until you move out." Funny; last time I checked, being an adult is actually decided by attitude, maturity, physical development and law. Yeah, so my attitude could do with some work, but is it any wonder when I live in an environment that is so hostile towards me? This isn't my family, and it's not my home.

WTF!? My choice for right now is sit in the kitchen for the next hour, or so; or be FORCED to watch My Transexual Summer. Why do I want to watch a bunch of f**king pansies telling the world that they were born the wrong gender? Fair enough, it's their choice, but why the hell do I want to know? I don't know them from Adam.

My sister was throwing a paddy, literally, and screaming because she wasn't getting to watch it. It got the point where she was even crying as she walked on her knees across the room begging to watch it.

I'm going to vent this here and hope I don't offend you, Chojin.

Your little sister pisses me off. This has nothing to do with the silly comment she made about Transformers, or even the recent posts of yours in here. She just pisses me off, and I think it's time for me to vent.

She pisses me off with how she treats you on a daily basis, and your mum pisses me off for failing to raise her. The whole situation fucks me right off.

In all seriousness, I fear for the future of your little sister to be honest. She's gonna turn out one of those teen-pregnant, single-mum, chav girls, with no real clue in her head, and living on benefits because she can't be bothered to work for a living, or because she's got such a bad attitude that she'd never be wanted in a job.

There's only so much longer I'll have to put up with it. One way or another, I'll be out of here before too long.

What a f**king surprise, another after midnight argument. What the fu*k is my sister's obsession with picking the cats up to move them? She stood at the back door, and let the cats in, but my cat wasn't coming in. So she went outside, picked him up and brought him in. He would've come in when he wanted, he doesn't need help. After that, she got up at the back window to look out for mum, who was walking HER (My sister's) dog. She was trying to undo the window, which involved kicking because it sticks. I asked, calmly, what she was doing but she wouldn't answer me with anything other than "f off" Literally, that's what she said, so I wouldn't call that swearing. Still, it's rude. After that, I then said to her "has it ever occured to you that it would be much easier to answer me in the first place, instead of swearing?" which only got me a barrage of middle fingers thrown at me. If that wasn't enough, after mum came in and, naturally, had a go at me, mum was trying to get my sister back upstairs with her dog, but made the mistake of saying "sort the animals". My sister took this completely the wrong way and started picking the cats up to move them, in spite of mum telling her that she needs to go upstairs, the cats don't need sorting. Now I'm sitting stewing because I've had the f**king bollocking because I "started" the argument... apparently. Not Fu**ing fair, I tell you. Can't wait to see the back of this pace permenently. I'd like to say that I'd never come back here, but I know that's not very realistic

What a time to be talking about f**king money!? It's 1am, I'm trying to chill out, quit battering my f**king head

If I wasn't the only one in my house interested in trying to keep tthe place tidy, we would've had our decorations up two weeks ago. Instead, we've got sh*t loads to do TODAY so we can get them up.

So f**king p**sed off with this, doesn't feel like Christmas in the slightest.

Christmas seems to have gone completely down the pan. Certain members of my family have proved that they're only out for what they can get from others, including us, they've issued threats of physical violence, made plans to spread malicious rumours and emotional blackmail. As a result, things have been stressful at home, and things have pretty much spiralled out of control. I have a rant on Facebook, and now I'm being judged and told to think myself lucky because there are people that can't have family around for Chistmas. I don't want to come across as selfish, but me thinking myself lucky is not going to change anything for those that can't have family around. I do feel for them, it's a tough time to go through without family; but that doesn't give anyone the right to judge me because my Christmas isn't going well.

After tonight, I've feel like a predator... and I don't mean a Yautja >_<